Compulsive gambler for 40 years

I went to Reno about every 3 months or so for many years. At first I thought I was a lucky girl and got on their VIP lists. I got comped all the time. I got rooms, food, and entertainment free for family and friends who of couse loved me for it

But, of course, it wasn't free! I paid with so many losses. Money is obvious, but I lost my job, my friends, my job, my sister and my home.
I, on the other hand, didn't have a problem and wouldn't let anyone tell me I did. Or so I thought. Then came Indian gaming.

The casino became my home. I was there so often I actually tried to rotate around so people wouldn't think I had a problem. I knew I did in my heart. My head wouldn't let me accept it. I only lived down the road from one of them. I can't count the times I said I was just running to the stroe and wouldn't be back until the next day! One weekend, I went to the casino with our tax refund. I told my husband we didn't get one that year. I did all the finance so I thought it would be easy to hide like I normally did. This included hiding the mounting past due notices, packing the credit cards just to keep eviction or cut off notices from coming. I remember going in at around 3. When I walked out at 2 am on Monday, I had run out of money, blown a $9000.00 tax refund, exhausted my bank account, and written 6 hot checks in the surrounding area.

I had to face my husband and that was a disaster. By Monday evening, he was packing his bags. It's strange. The whole time I wasn't thinking my marriage of 22 years was over, I was thinking how am I going to get enough money for a lawyer AND the casino. Just crazy. On Friday of that week a knock came at the door. It was the police and I was under arrest for bad checks. Not just the ones they were aware of from the weekend, but the 16 others bouncing around town. I tried to tell them it was just a mix up in deposits and I could straighten it out on Monday. No deal. I spent the weekend in jail. No one would bail me out. I had burned to many bridges. My husband wouldn't answer his phone. On Saturday I did a lot of long hard thinking. I have never even had a traffic ticket, but here I was, a criminal.

That evening the gaurd came and told me and 4 other women we had to go to this meeting. It was a AA meeting at the jail. I told them I didn't drink and the lady officer said "Honey, you drink......you drink money" It was like someone hit me over the head with a hammer and said SEE!!! I listened that night. Drinking, Drugs, Gambling.......you could blank out the thing and it was all the same. I knew in my heart and my head I needed help.

I called my husband and left a blubbering message and told him how sorry I was and that I was going to get help. I did the same to the judge on Monday. I was fined, ordered to pay restitution, serve community service and attend AA. There wasn't a GA in my area. My husband and I began to talk about everything and eventually got back together. I worked, collected cans, did odd jobs, rolled loose change, just about anything to pay it all back. I have done the financial things, but can never pay back my friends, my husband and my family for the trust they lost.

I have not gambled on anything in 8 years. People think gambling is about games and money. It's far more than that. You aren't gambling with coins and cards. Your gambling with peoples lives and your life. I haven't attended any meetings in years. They were really the key to my stopping. I would encourage anyone addicted to anything to give meetings a shot. It's worth getting your life back.

Cynthia