I started using heroin when I was 19 years old.

I was first introduced to the drug in the underground "Rave" Techno scene in Detroit in the late 90's. I at first only started snorting it. I loved the way it made me feel. It made me feel better then anything I had ever experienced before in my life. I started using heroin only on "the weekends". At one time I actually thought that I had it under control. It wasn't long before I started using it everyday and then shooting it up with a syringe. My father grew up in Detroit and had many friend's that had heroin addictions in his high school. He knew that they was something wrong with me. He asked me if I was using heroin. I told him the truth and sought help, only to please him. Not to help myself. I went to my first treatment center. I wasn't even there two days, when I walked out the door and went back to the dope house.

I ended up going into an IOP program and managing to stay clean for a little over a month. My parents were planning a family vacation to Mackinaw Island. I relapsed before the trip. I thought that I could bring enough dope and rationalize it though the days I was gone. I wasn't even there two days when I ran out of heroin. I started to go through bad withdrawals. I couldn't sleep or eat. My parents said they were going to eat. In complete desperation, I tried to shoot up a rinse out of my cap and my parents walked back into the room and saw me shooting up. My dad started to cry, saying how he didn't want to lose his daughter. So, I attempted to get sober again, for my Dad, not for myself.

I ended up going on the methadone program. I thought that this was the answer. I only then became addicted to methadone and heroin. At this point I was unemployable. My parent's told me to get help or get out. I chose to get out. I could not face them. I was so addicted. I could not stop. I had no emotions. I didn't care about anything or anyone. I went to live on the streets. I lived a life of crime. I was prostituting, committing B & E's, shoplifting, you name it. There were several occasions were I was caught, but I would only do a 30-60 days in the county jail, and then be back on the streets. My life was a complete wreck. I never showered. I was under 100 lbs. I lived out of abandoned buildings.

One day I overdosed. I woke up with cold water being poured over my head and being slapped about. I didn't want to go on living the way I was living anymore. I walked up to the local gas station and called my dad collect. I begged him to come pick me up. He did. When he go there, he cried when he saw me. I was so dirty and skinny. I went to treatment at a place called Dawn Farms. I wanted to stay sober. I had a lot of willingness. I did want they told me to do. I got a sponsor. I started working the steps. I got honest. I then got out of the Farm and suddenly, my willingness changed. I stopped talking suggestions and working the steps. I relapsed and picked up again.

With that relapse, I was so embarrassed. I didn't think that I could come back into the program. I lost everything really quickly, and was back on the street. However, this time I had a head full of AA. I was so miserable. One day I got into a bad car accident and I ended up in the hospital. A social worker came in and told me about this treatment center called The Home of New Vision. It was 12-18 months and was for all women. I need help. I was scared to go, but I did anyway.

Since that day, I have been sober. I have not used for almost 14 months. For a heroin addict like me, that is a complete miracle. I have worked all the steps and I try to incorporate the steps into my life. I don't just work the steps, I live the steps. I work with other addicts on a daily basis. I am in college to get a degree so I can get a license to work with other addicts. I know in order to keep it, I need to give it away. I can't put into to word how much my life has changed. I thought that I was a hopeless junkie, who was going to die from my addiction. Today I have hope.

Janette