I'm dreaming.. maybe

I'm standing on the edge of a huge pool, at the deep end. The air around me is heavy and it is neither night nor day. The water is dark and still. My toes are just over the edge of the concrete. I fall in. There is no splash, no sensation of hot or cold, no ripples in the water. I just fall, silently, feeling a strange thickness envelope me.

In between the top and the bottom of the pool, I stop falling. I am suspended, perfectly still, not struggling for air. I look down. The bottom of the pool seems endless. It gets darker and darker the farther I look. There are no drains, no tiles. Just deep dark blue. I look up. The water gets lighter and lighter blue, fading into a crystal clear sheen as smooth as glass. I feel that my time is limited. That I have to make a choice.

There are only two. I can choose to continue to sink into the dark. To just let go and float down into the emptiness. Or, I can reach up with everything I am. There seems to be no time, no contemplation of a deadline, no fear.

I simply extend my arms upward. The water ripples, becomes cool against my skin, my hair waves around my head as I reach up, up, up.

I have made my choice.

Today is the beginning of my recovery. I am reaching up for air air"

--Debbie
Still Reaching