I am Debz 42

Between the age of 5 and 10 my parents divorced , my grandfather passed away , My Aunt passed away she was 28 leaving behind 4 babies the oldest 6 , my Uncle hit and killed a child drinking and driving , All on my Mothers side of the family . My Mother turned to alcohol .

By the age of 14 I pretty much ran wild , I started smoking pot and doing speed . At the age of 16 another round of deaths hit . One of which was my Aunt , her husband and 1 year old killed by a drunk driver Christmas 1979 . (After which my Mother went on a drunk she never returned from till her death in 1994 .) Needless to say at 16 I vowed to never drink .

NOOOO I smoked , did uppers and acid . Non stop till about 19 . At that point I decided I no longer liked to trip . I smoked 24/7 and started drinking blackberry brandy Mother would put in a pop can for me in the winter to warm my bones while I ran the streets cuz I refused to learn to drive after that wreck that killed my aunt . My life was a mess , I was a mess .

I went to beauty school , did hair for the next 10 years , All a freakin blur really I smoked pot the minute I got up . Bought wine by the case . I don't even know when came the pain pills . And on and on it went 24/7 .

In 1994 I turned 30 and yet again was hit by another round of deaths and destruction . Another Aunt , my Best and only friend , my uncle a alcoholic . And my Mother . For the next ten plus years on the pot , pain pills , booze I went , and ever freaking day and night I'd pray and pleaded with the heavens and my Mother that I not end up like her . I KNEW I had a problem . I knew I was on the same road as her . I was out of my mind about it .

In late 2004 I had my 1st blackout my sister and I were out , woke up in a bed at her in laws still in our winter boot and coats . Neither of us remember a thing . We had wrecked her car . And drove it to her in laws . That was it NO MORE . And the fight for "me" started . No more pain pills . NONE ! Little pot here and there, wine to calm my nerves at night. A lot of praying to my Mother ,is how It started .

I wish I knew the dates . I went to AA every day till . ......... it just wasn't for me . I search for months everyday for a on line support group . Till I found the right one for me . SOS woman . I was so happy I knew I was gonna do it . With that I had many day ones . Being able to go to my SOS Family and be honest was a life Line like no other for me .

The last time I fell off the wagon . Aug 7th 2006 something in me snapped . I started a new chapter on the 8th COMPLETELY sober . I have won .

I am on my own side for the 1st time in my life . AND ITS NOT the things that happen to me , BUT the way "I" handle them that determine "MY" well being . I firmly believe this .