Reaching Up For Air-Stories of Addiction By Women, For Women

Hi my name is Sandy.

I am a nurse for the last 15 years. I am in a commited relationship for 3 years with an amazingly wonderful man. I am "mommy" to my 2 puppies, I am Guardian to my neice,. I am an Addict.

I started getting bad migriane headaches about or 7 years ago. 3 or 4 times a year it would be a trip to the ER for IV pain meds and always a prescription for Lortab to go!!! Then about 2 yrs ago the headaches became constant and so did the pain meds. My Dr. gave me a large script for the pills and with every ER visit I was getting another. I was eating them like candy at this point, but hey they were prescribed, and I had pain! Then I another nurse who was a ' friend' tolld me that once she kept a waste--the leftover medication after the patient has had the ordred dose-- when she was having pain. I thought why not I'm only throwing it away.

So that began my diversion of medications from work. Morphine, Dilaudid and my all time favorite Demerol. This went on for over 2 years, and I was out of control. I was taking medicatins out of the pyxis for patients that had gone home or did'nt even have it ordered. I never withheld meds from a patient, but I know I was probably heading there. Well needless to say the pharmacy caught on. They aways do sooner or later I guess.

My nurse manager, the VP of nursing services and the pharmacist, who I'd been friendly with for 8 years held this little intervention. I was humiliated, scared, and defiant. "i'm doing no such thing". Then when these people I'd worked with over the years showed me they were not out to get me, they wanted to help me, I was relieved, told the truth and asked for help.

I was enrolled in a program for nurses, and an out pt rehab. Both have been an amazing journey. I have held on to my profession and regianed my self respect. My significant other who is a recovering alcoholic, had no idea. At first he was angry, I remembered befor I was using and he was still drinking how angry I would get at his sneaking drinking. So I understood. VERY quickly his anger passed and his love kicked in.

I could not ask for a better man in my life , or a better best friend to support me in my recovery. I have a few good old friends and of course a new family of friends and I'm OK. Not great some days, but I'm sober. I cautiously look forward to going back to work very soon. A few of the nurses will have know, as they will have to pass the narcotics for me until I get that restriction lifted. That is OK they are good people, and I am not ashamed.

I am prouder of myself than I've ever been, I'm healthy and I'm happy. I am learnig to laugh again. But I never want to forget how I cried.