Reaching Up For Air-Stories of Addiction By Women, For Women

Why a women only site? Why Not include Men?

A gentleman, who responded to my site announment in a forum, posed a thought provoking question that deserves to be addressed here. The Question:

"Why just wimmin? (note-wimmin is meant lightheartedly) I am asking the forum at large, not trying to pick at you. Like I said, I haven't had the time to read anything on your site yet. But seriously, don't you think that anyone who is suffering from the grips of addiction can benefit from the experience of someone else who had been-there-done-that and survived? "

I could not recapture my response here, so I am putting it here in it's original posting:

I thought long and hard about the question you are asking. In fact, your question has pointed out that I need a area to explain why only women or wimmin lol, from the south? I am. I'm not a spokesman for women but I'll try to explain.

I believe western culture has left women in the middle of the road. On one side there is respect, admiration and for some, worship of the whole being of a women. On the other, there is a tradition of treating women as nothing but breeders and close to sub-human entities. Any study in sociology clearly show these cultures.

In all of my "recoveries" 3 rehab and on and on, I had very valuable relationships with my male counterparts in addiction. I was privilidged to meet many strong men during a very difficult period of their lives, including extensive group therapies in which men poured their souls out. Their stories ARE equally impacting on others. If stories were written on paper without any indication of sex or opposite sex, I do believe that the average reader would be able to make a distinction between a mans story and a womens.

Here is somthing I'd like address. According to the Centre for Substance Abuse Treatment in Washington D.C., there are fourteen primary issues that alcoholic/addicted women need to address in treatment and recovery: Low Self Esteem , Powerlessness, Sexism, Family of Origin issues, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, Incest, Rape, Sexuality, Recreation, Grief and Loss, Parenting, Vision For The Future, Life Planning. In a long line of "It's done this way because father/mother did it this way" is a very impacting issue. Men are trained to develop an ethic of provider, while women are trained to develop an ethic of nurturer. I believe, note I, that because of this training, the reaction, attitudes and problem solving skills are divided between the sexs.

I am neither bigoted or bias nor am I a card carrying feminist. I'm simply a women. Do men experience many of the same issues as above? Of course they do. Unfortunetly, a large percentage of the population either by nature or nurture, respond, cope and express these in a differant way.

I know for me, while my success so far in recovery is not totally reliant upon peer contact, I do know that my ability to explore my addiction with other women was far more indepth. Shame is shame is shame is shame. It is part of the package that addiction brings. But, my feelings of failure in my set nurturing role is vastly differant. Without having to map it out, women need far less explaination to other women in these areas. If I say, I was a awful mother. Women most typically do not need the "how does that make you feel". They know.

Sorry, I tend to ramble. (someone pointed out I shouldn't apologize for my stance, another issue women face) There IS a mens movement in recovery that at a research and professional level is being noticed. There is a recognition of the special issues men and their relationship with other men in recovery, their comfort level in revealing vulnerabilites, their interpersonal netwok and their bonding experiences. FANTASTIC!

My site is merely a tiny spot on the internet within a VAST sea of sites that are inclusive. I applaud ANYONE who is brave enough and care enough to reach out to others. I have simply creating a place where women can place their stories and that other women can read and say "YES! Exactly! That's how I feel"

I love men. I in fact have 4 boys (and a girl). But women saved my life. Women nurtured me in a way that helped to create change that had never occured before. My site is in homage to all of those women, both known and unknown, that use their instictive and or learned ability to care for universal sisters. Women for women felt to me to be my missing piece of the puzzle.

But that's just me, I could be wrong.

Whew, ok I'm done. Didn't mean it to be so LONG! Sorry. Maybe I'll use the above as the page lol. I don't know if I can explain it any better. Thank you again for asking and exploring this topic.

*Non-post

That being said, I do so value the men who have touched my life, both anonymous and non anonymous men. They are a part of my recovery is so many ways. This site is just one facet. A small part of the whole. I hope that other women experience the value of the men who touch our lives in positive ways and the men who cheer us on in our recovery journey.

Thank you to the most important man in my life. My husband, My best friend, who gives me love, encouragement, support and a perspective of life from his experiences that are a key building block in my recovery.

I encourage you to explore the research on your own should you be curious